I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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