i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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