Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
