Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
