just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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