Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
