I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
