What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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