Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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