Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
