I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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