your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Randomize
