he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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