I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
