dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
