Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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