Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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