if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize