During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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