He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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