i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
we should paint friendship bongs
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize