im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
