i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
