do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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