He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
