that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
