Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
there was a trapeze. enough said
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
