Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize