Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
