why didn't you poke me back
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
