ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
