i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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