Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
