I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
