oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
