I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
How naked do you want me to be?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
