How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
as a side note pls kill me
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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