one two three fourrrrnication!
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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