once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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