one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
