dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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