Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I need to stop coming to work sober
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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