Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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