Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You need a sexual gate keeper
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
