Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
