woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
