I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
