I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
