I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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