i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
