did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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