I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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