I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Randomize
