I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You ate ashes out of my bong
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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