Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You're a waste of cheezeits
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Randomize
