I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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