im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
