i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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