is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
