Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
