I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
