You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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