a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
