I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
