I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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