found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
