do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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